I was a barista in another life (like fourteen years ago). I remember the group of people who drank their coffee with a straw and the group that did not. I ordered a complicated drink, one thing a barista can do is customize the fuck out their drink, ok?! Life was different then, I was married to another person. It was hardly a marriage, but at that age I didn’t know much about marriage or life. I did the old Facebook stalking, rather peering lol. I looked at my ex-husband and his wife. I am refraining from calling her fat this time, because fat shaming is bad. Though that insecure woman ended all communication with my ex-husband and I, and any sense of closure. Bitch move. We’d shared a decade, my teens through most of my twenties. I saw some pictures of him and most of them had her. He is putting on weight, which isn’t surprising. He is also graying, and wearing the same hairstyle as he was when we parted lol. I also unblocked my son’s DNA donor’s wife? Question mark because, that bitch could spin a fairytale out of nothing. I saw a picture of my son’s half-brother. He looked so healthy, it makes me feel better about having to leave him. I wasn’t his mother, and to keep my baby safe I had to leave. I would have taken him with me, if the villain wouldn’t have used the child as a means to control me. Also crossing four state lines with a child that wasn’t biologically mine, is quite illegal. So I guess I was feeling quite nostalgic. Though not in a good way. None of that shit was healthy.
Today is a day to think, ponder, question. It’s raining, but I am dry. I have started to communicate with the person I ripped apart in a previous blog. I am unsure about the propriety of it/him. He is very guarded and in the end I am afraid this won’t end in everyone being happy and ok. Why can’t I have friends? I’m feeling asexual again. But I think it’s a bit more extreme than that. I cringe when anyone touches me that isn’t my son or mother. I don’t want to be that way. I am not to go back to therapy with Catherine. She’s pissed me off and hurt me, and that is not how things should be in therapy. I left her a voice mail and the bitch never called me back. Fuck her.
Happier side not, I got my nipples pierced and they are doing quite fine. I am going to do a video about them. I also am, going to do a video about my musical instruments and information. Links to come.